Astrnomical

One who finds their identity in God. Follower of Jesus.

I haven’t been happy in a long time. The idea of death keeps on coming up in my mind.The idea that I will die soon, that everyone around me will eventually die, and there will be a point in my life where everyone I know is dead.

I am not worried for death. I accept it coming. I don’t know my worth, I’m trying to find it in school but it just leads to brokenness. I push Jesus away, but I know I need him the most right now. I feel that my soul is wasting away. 

I need to focus on me before my relationships with others. I’m lost, but this is my battle. This time around, I won’t mask my problems by jumping into other relationships and wrecking havoc in other people’s lives. I give off the impression that my life is filled with just nursing school…but in reality I’m just broken. 

There is hope for me. I know it. 

parallel with the joy and happiness, i have a very angry side.

I went to a bipolars anonymous meeting…

the man said it took him years to get out of bed

another women said that her beating social anxiety meant going to walmart at 3am

whatever i do in life, i hope my heart breaks for those who live in isolation and hopelessness. 

I will never understand the viewpoint of

People who go to church and advocate for strip clubs

Those who follow Jesus but are disgusted by the homeless

The idea of going to church just so it can be said that you went to church…

isn’t it useless if we go and no transformation around us and in the world takes place? 

It’s easy to get lost with getting a nice job, buying all the nice things i want, being a leaf in the wind. My life isn’t passed on through materialistic items. It will be passed through those who i disciple and who carry my genes. 

What I build up today will be part the legacy i leave behind when I die. 

kt

left deflect, right hand hammers to face and catches punch, take space of opponent, causing them to fall. 

smaller surface area, more concentrated it is

I couldn’t do Kt anymore. I was so stiff when learning a new move.

On the positive side, my double rolling was still too good!

The best. I hope to never take them for granted.

The best. I hope to never take them for granted.

As i spent my hours last night talking to a friend, he said “i haven’t laughed like this in a long time” 

I forget that I too bring happiness and joy to people’s life. It’s an honor to make people laugh, and let them know that they belong somewhere. 

Some people need  a good laugh, an ear to listen to, someone to give them advice and to be their older brother/ younger brother. 

I spent a good amount of today wanting to be in isolation. The message of grace and God using our struggles to make something beautiful out of it was good…but I felt disconnected. 

I find hope that I am no where near being as funny/talkative/smart/hard working/good looking/spiritual/clever /truthful as other people around me…yet God still places me in people’s lives…and I am able to influence them…and they love me…

I have an hard time understanding God’s unconditional love for me, but I see people’s love for me in front of me, and I remember that God’s love is more perfect than this. 

There’s a time in my life where

I must leave Tampa and see the rest of the world before I must return to build a ministry and watch after my parents.

Things I want to do for sure

African Mercy Ships

Philippines

Doctors without Borders

Central and South America

Europe

Pacific Islands

idk where else I’ll think of it later

I’ll need to live a pretty frugal life. The world is too big, I want to see it from other people’s perspectives, instead of just the entitled upper class American view. Jesus created this place, it’s not all happiness and sunflowers. I want to see it for myself.